Understanding what your Baby is Trying to Say
“Parenthood is the scariest hood you’ll ever go through”. I saw that saying printed on a drink coaster of a family’s home I visited. It made me chuckle a little, and then I felt sad too that what should be the happiest time of a couples life, is made to feel and look like the baby you brought into the world is out to destroy you. I mean, granted, the sleepless nights add up, and that alone can take down even the most energetic person. Parenthood will, without a doubt, challenge and leave you teetering on the edge of sanity at times. But you’re here now. There’s no turning back. It’s ok to have hard days, and you will have a lot of them. it doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong, or that your baby is devising a plan to take you down. It means that you’re both getting to know each other. And though parenthood will leave you with hundreds of moments where you feel terrified and unsure, parenthood has millions of moments where you’ll experience blissful happiness and confidence that you’re handling this new challenge like a boss.
Your baby’s cues or non-verbal language is his way of telling you what he needs. They use their voice, facial expressions, and movement of their arms and legs to communicate. These signals are designed to draw attention and convey a message. When you watch your baby and get to know his language, and meet these needs early on, they feel safe, secure, and you're setting the foundation for a healthy relationship. Meeting those needs in the early stages will go a long way to reducing their stress and anxiety, leaving you with a content baby. Let’s break down two of the everyday needs of an infant, and talk about what signals they will use to let you know what they need.
“I’m Hungry”
We all need to eat and our body is very good at letting us know when we are hungry. It starts with a growl or a gnaw in the pit of our stomach. If we are busy and choose to put off that feeling, our body will start turning against us. You’ll get lightheaded, cranky, hands may shake, or we feel cold and damp. That’s your blood sugar dropping. You better get some food and respond to what your body is telling you it needs! The same for babies except they get hungry more frequently than we do, and they haven’t developed the ability to ignore the hunger feeling, or the patience to wait for you to notice they are hungry. If you do not respond to their cues with food, things can escalate quickly! When your baby gets to the point of crying, that’s a late cue and they may get to the point of being inconsolable, which will make it more difficult to feed them, especially if you are breastfeeding. Early warning cues of hunger can be baby starts licking their lips and making smacking/sucking noises with their mouth. They begin “rooting,” which is tuning their head in the direction of anything near their mouth and start trying to lick and suck on it, whether that be your arm, shoulder, or their hand. They will get fidgety and start breathing faster. Now is the time to feed them! You want to avoid the hangry cry, which will only raise everyones level of anxiety.
Be sure while you’re feeding them, to take note if they are getting fidgety or coming off the breast or bottle and getting frustrated. That’s a sign they need to be burped or they have gas. Once they’ve been burped, get them back on the breast or bottle and finish the feed. Another clue that your baby is hungry is that their hands will be clinched in a fist. As they are feeding and their belly is getting fuller, their hands will relax and open up. When they are finished eating, burp again, change diaper and spend time snuggling, making eye contact, chat or sing to them. Play is essential, even for newborns. Your voice and facial expressions are exciting and entertaining to them, and they will start to playback or mirror your actions. You want to follow a routine of “eat, play and sleep.” Now that they have eaten and are playing, how do you know when they are tired?
“I’m Tired”
Honestly, this is probably one of the cues people miss the most. It’s important to know what the signs of getting tired are and know that it’s time to reduce stimulation and get ready for sleep. If you miss the cues and they become overtired, its harder to get them to settle down. Newborns will get tired after they’ve been awake for 1-1 1/2 hours. Keep in mind that awake time includes the time it takes for them to be fed. So their playtime is relatively short. When they start to get tired, you’ll notice they will begin to break eye contact, grunt, squirm and kick their legs, clinch their fists, eye lids will flutter and they will look dazed, or they will suck on their hands. That last cue is a self-soothing technique you’ll come to appreciate shortly when they use it to put themselves back to sleep if they wake up in the night. When your baby is showing signs of being tired, it’s time to reduce stimulation and get them ready for sleep. How do you do this?
Take them to the place they usually sleep.
Close the blinds and curtains to darken the room.
Turn on the sound machine. Sound machines are not only to mask the sounds happening in the house while your baby is sleeping, but your baby will start associating the soothing sound too, “it’s time to sleep'“.
Change their diaper.
Swaddle, kiss goodnight, and put them in their safe sleep environment. That is a crib, bassinet or playpen with nothing but a firm surface and a tight fitted sheet.
Having a baby is life-changing, but it doesn’t have to resemble a hostage negotiation. Once you have a routine and even some basic knowledge of what to expect the first few weeks and months home, you’ll find yourself better equipped to handle what is in front of you.
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